Half Hearted
by Chaotic Heartless
Summary: [OCCness ahoy!] In the journey to get the perfect high, some mistakes are made.


Happy Christmas. Well, this is a parody fic. I hope you enjoy it- It's written at around 3:00 AM by a mildly blitz'd/drunken Sponge. So expect spelling mistakes... And various other things that don't make sense.

Apart of this is Everlastingdarkness' gift. She requested DemyxXCloud... With whatever freedoms I wanted. Then my friend requested I do a fic idea a mentioned. So I couldn't resist mixing the two. I hope this little bit of them together is enough for chu, hmhm?

**_Disclaimer:_** It's rated M for various crude jokes. Don't like, not my fault- I don't own Disney or FF characters, or any otherthings mentioned like Jack Johnson and Gamecube.

* * *

**H.A.L.F HEARTED**

* * *

The ocean waves lapped against the the soft sand of the islands known as Destiny. A soft light was scattered across the water, and the dusk of tonight was a beautiful one.

Four figures were sitting against the sand. One with spiked up red hair and tanned skin- two had large, cheerful smiles on their face, both wearing yellow- although one had black hair and the other brown. The brown haired one had a yellow dress, whilst the black haired one had one similar to overalls.

The last one was a brown haired boy, shining blue eyes with clown shoes and baggy pants. The brown one smiled at his friends, before speaking.

"Okay, guys... Who's getting the stuff?"

"Mon, I thought Yuffie was gettin' da stuff-"

"Don't mon me! It was Selphie!"

"Wha? No! No! No! It was alllll Sora!"

Sora, the brown haired one shushed his friends, before speaking. "Guys! Gaaaawd. I'll get it, but I don't want to go alone. Who's going with?" Sora stood up, brushing off his pants and offering a hand to the one that would help him.

Selphie- the brown haired girl- and the red haired one, that went by Wakka- turned to each other, before they pointed at Yuffie. Yuffie groaned, before taking Sora's hand and allowing him to pull her up. Yuffie brushed herself off, before glaring at Wakka and Selphie. "Fine, but I get first joint!" she pointed at both of them, laughing loudly in her claim- "Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk, nyuk!"

"No mon, dat ain't far, yah?"

"Yuffie, you're a meanie butt."

Yuffie just grinned in response, and her and Sora set off the shack by the sea.

* * *

"Sora. Yuffie." Sora and Yuffie nodded as a blonde hair man stepped outside of crappy shack by the sea- they'd never tell him that they thought it was crappy, because he could bust a cap at any moment, but it was indeed very ghetto. "You got my money?"

"Dirty money?" Sora echoed, as the blond haired man nodded- dressed in all black with spiky yellow hair, it was none other then the infamous Cloud.

"Clean drugs." Cloud nodded, before motioning for someone to come out from the shack. Another blond in black stepped out- although this blonde's hair was a darker yellow color, and he seemed a lot more meek then Cloud. In his hand, he had a couple plastic bags- small, and filled with dark green 'herbs'.

Sora looked over to Yuffie, before speaking. "You got the cash?"

"Uh- don't you got the cash?"

"Uh. Dude, you were suppose to have the cash-"

"No! I was suppose to buy the snacks-"

"No! That was Selphie-"

"No! Selphie was suppose to buy the train tickets-"

"No! That was Wakka-"

"Uh, what was Wakka suppose to do in the first place?"

"I don't know, I don't like him very much."

"Ha! You just admitted that he wasn't suppose to buy the train tickets!"

"Um. Which one of us is talking?"

"I don't know, it doesn't have the 'Sora said', or the 'Yuffie spoke' after it."

"Well, how do I know if I'm speaking or not. Am I?"

"Well, you could be thinking- some people use those quotations for thinking-"

"I want my money."

"Who was that?"

"I don't know Sora, it wasn't me."

"Wait- I'm not Sora."

"Well, I'm not Yuffie- so you have to be Sora."

"Can you two shut up and give me my money?"

"Okay. If I'm not Yuffie and you're not Sora, then I have to be Cloud."

"I'm Cloud."

"But it doesn't have 'Cloud said' after it, so you can't be."

"You have a point, then who're you?"

"I'm Sora... I think."

"No. I'm Sora, you're Yuffie."

"How do you know?"

"Well, does Yuffie have a penis?"

"... I don't know."

"Well, we can check."

"I. Want. My. Money."

"Well, that has to be Yuffie- Yuffie, do you have a penis?"

"I'm Cloud!"

"Then who am I?"

"Sora!"

"No, he's Sora and I'm Yuffie. You have to be Cloud..."

"That's ENOUGH!"

Cloud took out his Buster Sword, holding it at Sora's throat as he narrowed his eyes. "Do you have the money or not?" he hissed in between his teeth, causing Sora to gulp and start sweat a little bit.

"If I told you no, then what would you do?" Sora asked, laughing nervously.

"Kill you."

"Then uh.. Non."

"Non?" Cloud looked over at his side kick, raising an eyebrow. "Demyx, what's that mean?"

"Dude, I think it's French for no."

Sora laughed nervously as Cloud looked over to Sora, before shaking his head. "No, it can't be French, it doesn't have an accent."

"Dude. I think he was faking it."

Cloud's gaze whipped back to Sora, as his gaze narrowed that much deeper. "You bastard. You two! Get inside my shack, I won't kill you... Yet." Cloud threatened darkly, looking back at Yuffie, before looking to Sora. Both of them gulped and nodded, before scurrying into the shack like little rodents. Cloud followed them, leaving Demyx there- standing with an awed look on his face.

"No! I've got it. If Soras' Yuffie and Clouds' Sora and Clouds' Yuffie then Sora has to be Sora and Yuffie has to be Yuffie for Cloud to be Sora _AND_ Yuffie!" Demyx proclaimed loudly, tapping his chin with a leather gloved finger.

"Demyx, get your ass in here now!"

"Sure thing, dude!"

* * *

"Mon."

"Where?"

"Mon!"

"Where?"

"Mon!"

"WHERE?"

Selphie stood up, glaring down at Wakka as he stared across the ocean. He didn't seem at all phased at her yelling, as he calmly spoke.

"Mon."

"Uh, where?"

* * *

A couple moments later, Yuffie and Sora were currently sitting down on a small couch staring at a broken TV. They sent each other fearful glances, before looking around them. Cloud and Demyx had left them in the basement of the shack, warning them if they left, they wouldn't live to smoke another joint. Yuffie whined painfully, before putting her head in her hands... Or her hands on her head... Something like that.

"Sora." Yuffie started, sending him a side glance.

"Yes?" he drawled slowly, looking at her with one eye closed.

"If you hadn't said you're Yuffie none of this would have happened."

"Uh, no. I do believe that it was _you_ that said I'm Sora."

"No no, I said I was Sora when you said that you were Cloud and I was Yuffie and you weren't Sora."

"Oh. Well, I guess that makes sense." Sora shrugged casually, before grinning. "Don't worry, Yuffie." he patted his friend on the shoulder, before continuing. "Selphie and Wakka will save us! I bet they've already noticed we're not here anymore and are searching for us frantically!"

* * *

"Mon."

"... Where?"

"Mon."

"...Where...?"

"Mon!"

"Where, _damn_, where?"

"Oh, yah mon."

"Oh."

"Oh?"

"Well, now that makes sense."

* * *

Yuffie shook her head, now that her heart was filled with re-found hope. Sitting up straight, she smiled loosely. "Well, what do we do in the mean time?"

Sora gave Yuffie a thumps up, before speaking. "Easy! We'll just figure out the meaning of life."

Yuffie gave him a dull look, before sighing. "Uh, Sora, you're forgetting that we're not baked now."

Sora frowned, realizing that this little fact had thrown a monkey wrench into his plans. "Drat! You're right. All the great historians were stoned off their asses." Sora groaned, finding no hope in this situation.

"I guess we'll just wait for those two to save us."

* * *

Cloud's eyes were closed tightly as he leaned up against the shack, his arms behind his head as a cigarette slowly sizzled to a butt in his mouth. His bangs fell into his face, but he paid them no mind- awaiting another person to come to him and buy some of his drugs.

Demyx emerged from the shack, sitting down next to Cloud before putting his hands on his knees. "Um, Cloud?"

"Hn?"

Demyx gulped, before speaking. "I was wondering if we could..."

Cloud opened one eye lazily, before standing up and brushing himself off. "Yes..." he replied calmly, folding his arms and awaiting Demyx to stand up. Demyx nodded, standing up excitedly as he grinned.

"... As long as you remember our deal."

"Yep! You're not gay, you're just doing a gay action."

Cloud nodded, smirking lightly before turning and heading behind the shack, Demyx following eagerly.

"Did you bring the knives?"

"Yes... The knives make it that much better."

* * *

"Where?" Selphie sent a glance towards Wakka, whom just shrugged casually.

"Mon, I don't know." Wakka replied softly, before standing up and looking a little bit restless. "Hey mon, do yah know where Sora and Yuffie be?"

"Where?"

"I dunno mon, where?"

"When?"

"No mon, where."

"I know! When?"

"No! Where!

"Oh... When!"

Wakka shook his head, before running a had through his hair. "No, do ya'know where Sora and Yuffie be?"

"Oh! Yeah! They're getting our joints."

"Yah mon, but they're taking awhile."

Selphie's eyes widened, when she suddenly spoke in the tone someone would speak in if they were trying to hide something. "You don't think... Their smoking them... _Without us?"_ Selphie gasped, covering her mouth at the horror of the words she herself had spoken.

"Most likely, mon." Wakka collapsed onto the sandy ground, laying down as he grinned. "Bastard, after I got dat mon a yellow bong."

"Um.. That's what Sora got me."

Wakka's eyes snapped wide, before he sat up straight- an expression of horror on his face. "Uh, mon, what'ya get Sora?"

"A Jack Johnson Album."

"Dat bastard!" Wakka jumped up, grabbing Selphie and pulling her up. "He regifted our gifts! Dat ain't even cool mon."

Selphie withdrew back in horror, before speaking. "Then, what do we do?"

"We beat that bitch up, and steal ourselves some joints."

* * *

"Sora, I think one of us has to escape and go tell the others."

Sora stroked his chin at the thought, before speaking. "That makes sense, Yuffie. But who should it be?" he questioned, as Yuffie stood up.

"I'll go. I'm faster." Yuffie boosted, laughing as she walked over to the basement window. "Be cool, eh?"

"How do ya'know you'll come back for me?"

"Because you bought me that sweet Gamecube for Christmas!" Yuffie exclaimed, climbing onto the purple couch under the basement window and opening it up, before crawling out- escaping into the night.

Sora laughed, shaking his head once Yuffie was out of earshot. "Well, actually, that was a gift from my mom to me... But you don't need to know that."

* * *

"Um, Wakka?"

"Yah?"

"You sure their in the secret cave?"

Currently, Selphie and Wakka were standing in front of the secret cave, which wasn't exactly that secret, but no one cared to change the name. Wakka nodded at Selphie's concern, before speaking.

"Yah, wheneva yah need to find somefin', it's in dis place, yah?" Wakka bent his knees before going into the tunnel, disappearing into the darkness. Selphie, not wanting to be left to her own devices, followed.

The two of them went down the dark and musky tunnel, before reaching the end. Graffiti proclaiming various people's loyalties to gangs littered the walls, but they paid them no mind as they looked around the cave room. After a good ten minutes, the two came to the realization that Sora and Yuffie couldn't possibly be sitting under any of the rocks in the cave.

"I guess you're right, Wakka, they're too fat- Hey, what's this?" Selphie paused as she saw a strange door at the very end of the tunnel. Slowly, she walked towards it, before standing directly in front of it, Wakka quickly coming up behind her.

"Why don't cha open it, yah?"

Selphie nodded, opening the door by placing her fingers in between the crack of door frame and door. A powerful, glowing light littered the room- before dimming, as both Wakka and Selphie gasped in the sight.

"It's the most amazing thing I've ever seen in my entire life..."

* * *

"Where could they be?" Yuffie wondered, now at the point where Sora and she left the pair of stoners. Looking around, she noticed the tracks in the sand and followed- all the way to the secret cave.

"Strange... They stop here..." Yuffie tapped her chin, looking around. "Now, where could they have gone?" Yuffie glanced around, unable to figure out that mystery. However, a slow ooze of thick smoke came out of the secret cave, and upon taking a sniff, Yuffie hissed in between her teeth.

"Damn them, they have their own stash!" Yuffie shouted, before dashing down into the cave.

* * *

"I can't believe there was a shit load of weed behind that door." Selphie giggled, her eyes blood shot as she swayed back and fourth. She glanced towards Wakka, whom already had smoked three joints, before speaking. "What do you think? I think this shit be kickin'!"

"Why, Selphie." Wakka spoke, in a perfect English accent. "I am very applauded by your choice of words... But yes, indeed, these joints... Are very kicking, as you would say." Wakka chuckled deeply, before taking another draw of his fourth joint.

Suddenly, Yuffie ran into the cave, skidding to a stop before glaring at the two. "You're smoking up _now?_ Come with me, we have to save Sora!"

"Why, Yuffie- why don't you join us for a small joint? Surely it will not take long." Wakka stated, offering her the joint he had already smoked. Yuffie knew it was wrong...

But hey, who was _she_ to turn down a Sampson?

* * *

"Cloud! Cloud!"

"Yes?"

"Stop, you're going too hard."

"I go this hard every time."

"I know, but with that knife.."

Cloud growled in frustration, ripping off his apron and glaring at Demyx. "How else am I suppose to cut a swordfish?"

Demyx grabbed Cloud's hand that was holding the knife, before slowly rocking it back and fourth on the swordfish's flesh. "There, like that."

"Oh, and Cloud?"

"Yes?"

"Wanna have ass sex after this?"

"Sure, why not? My Wife and Kids isn't on for another hour."

* * *

"So, what you're saying is..." Yuffie trailed off, rubbing her bloodshot eyes. "That when you throw a rock into a pound, you're actually throwing it into another universes' pound, but it comes out from the sky?" Yuffie laughed, taking another draw of her joint. "Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk. You're full of shit, Selphie."

"Indeed, I must concur." Wakka nodded, taking a drag of his own joint.

"No, no man, I swear." Selphie laughed loudly, slapping her knee. "Wait, wasn't there something we were suppose to do?"

"Smoke more weed?" Yuffie offered, turning half way and digging her hand into the stash that was overflowing from the now opened door. Turning back, she dropped a pile of weed onto the ground before her, digging through her pockets for some paper.

"That does sound like an excellent idea." Wakka shook his head, before looking back at Yuffie and then to Selphie. "Although it is a troubling thought to ponder how all this weed got here..."

* * *

Somewhere, far, far away...

"What do you mean?!" Mickey Mouse shook his top dealer, Donald Duck, by the shoulders.

"Hwell..." Donald trailed off, the effects of the constant high of his own drugs effecting his speech, causing a duck-like voice. "Hthey qkinda just hfell into the qportal..."

"Damn, Donald!" Mickey Mouse let go of his dealer, before standing back. "That weed could be _anywhere_ now!"

Donald Duck grinned loosely, before speaking. "Hya'know qwhat qelse?"

"What?"

"Qthat qweed hcould be qanywhere, qtoo!"

"I _hate_ you!"

* * *

Sora frowned, rubbing his temples before shivering slightly. Looking around the room, he curled up onto the couch before whispering to himself.

"Why do I feel so forgotten...?"

* * *

The following has been for entertainment only. xD 


End file.
